Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
