Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
