I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
