I wanna passion pit in your ass
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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