He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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