I just made out with a guy for $7.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
