You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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