Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize