update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
