Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
