I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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