i just sent this text using only my big toe
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
