you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
