Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
