Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
