If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
