I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
BRING THE BAGELS
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
