dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
nutella sex= disaster
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
