Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
