toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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