i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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