I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
