I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
