I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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