even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
