My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
