I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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