So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize