Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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