could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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