Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize