Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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