good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
