I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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