i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
