sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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