I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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