I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
