idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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