Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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