I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
