All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
