ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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