he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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