i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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