I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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