Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
