She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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