i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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