I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
