I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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