Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
