Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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