I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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