just survived the first fart of the relationship.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
