this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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