this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
