my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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