Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
