I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize