The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
