I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
