absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
