We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
