How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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