ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
