Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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