i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
