There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
