Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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