He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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