I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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