Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
