What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
