Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
