If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
