I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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