I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My life is pants optional.
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