How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
