physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
