Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
