been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
