I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
