uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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