wrigley field is MILF paradise
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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