I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
