I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize